It's hard to get out of bed this morning. Last night was rough. Draining. I've always said that we can make our relationship look however we want. Friends have reminded me that you're going through a lot. I've tried to be sympathetic. I've tried to empathize but you've got so much baggage it makes it hard. I'm trying to be the partner you want me to be when, instead, I think I should be the partner you need me to be. After all:
"Love is a commitment. Love that lasts is a commitment of one imperfect person to another imperfect person. It means that no matter what, I am committed to you and to your growth. I will be what you need me to be – not necessarily what you want me to be. If you need me to be loving and affectionate, I will be loving and affectionate. Or, if for your growth you need me to be tough and firm, I will be tough and firm. Within the bounds of my own imperfections I will always strive to do and be what is best for your growth."
I think I've been the partner you've been wanting me to be rather than the partner you need me to be. Or not. Maybe I am being the partner you need me to be and I'm just not happy with that. I have a lot of thinking I need to do today. I've tried so hard to be patient with you. I've tried so hard to be there for you and that has been met with hostility, anger, and indifference. Care and affection have been crushed by 8 months of bad.
I want to be your partner, but right now I can't. I need more than you can give.
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