Something new.

My first real relationship ended yesterday. I live in a small town and can't get my mind off of how quickly the word will spread. I don't want it to spread before I have my chance to heal... on my own. Without the pain of everyone else drudging up the past. I just want to get better before everyone knows. We said we'd keep it to ourselves for awhile and I think we can hold true to that.

I'm embarassed. We should've ended it before, but didn't. We kept fighting for what could never and should never be. I'm just glad it was. I'm glad I got to love for the first time. That I got to experience those feelings for the first time. No one can replace those memories. I loved being in a relationship. I loved being loved. He just couldn't love me more than he loved himself. He is so filled with the past that he can't see anything else.

I can. I'm capable to learning and loving and living. Right now it is so painful, but I have my dog and my job, and my future. I have to look to the future. This is good because it's completely empty. Cliched as it is; I'm the one who will write it.

Right now, I have to take a shower put on clothes and try to get on with my life. Because life exists without him and without us.